As most of you are aware, all I have really wanted in life is a family. Growing up (in over 25 foster homes over three states) I never really felt a part of a "family". Life was just empty. Over the years I had tried to fulfill the emptiness with various things like my own self desires to fit in with the coolest kids, to be a loud mouth bully, to try and be a good foster daughter, to rebel because no one could tell me what to do anyway. I felt unwanted. Un-needed. Completely alone. That was until.. I gave my heart to Christ.
Back then I had a church family and the gap was filled. I was growing in faith and God's love for me was felt daily. I no longer wanted to stand out or be outrageous, I was content just being His precious daughter and loved Him so very much.
When I was dragged away from one of the last foster homes I was in, I was placed into a youth shelter. This turned my faith completely up-side-down. Without my family I felt lonely. I prayed and continued to worship quietly in my room but I stopped growing spiritually and the Church family I had was miles away.
It wasnt until after I had my first child that I would step into another church again. I never lost faith, I would pray in all the struggles and tough times the world threw at me and I believe that He blessed my life with a son answering my cry for help.
All the churches I went to never lasted long. I tried this one and that but none felt like home. Even the one last year, which was the longest church I had actually stayed with that felt like "home" and preached on being a family completely broke my heart and left me feeling abandoned.
Last week I walked into a new church. After sitting down with the Pastor yesterday and talking about the vision of the church I feel quite confident that this is where God wants me this year. Church today was absolutely amazing. I met some really beautiful spirit filled people and I think this could be home for me. I never seem to stay at churches long, and it's only because I get a lift there that I sat in the back row last Sunday but today I felt like I was part of the family. It felt like I had known some of these people my whole life.
Life is so full of mystery. I'm so thankful for mine.
I am again growing spiritually and am getting real not with who I think I am, but who God knows I am. My life has been blessed abundantly and I realize that more so now that I am counting my blessings daily. And what a blessing it is when you know your going to make an impact, because your unique, needed, wanted and loved.