|Nevaeh and Riley|
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
Yesterday I bought Nevaeh (aged 5) her very own mobile phone!
$4 from The Reject Shop.
In a space of an hour after opening it this is who she had called and why..
A Taxi - To ask why they were taking so long.
Her Father - "Yes Dad! I'm being a good girl"
Aunty Zoe - To ask if the baby was kicking.
Uncle Anthony - To ask about his Guinea pigs and to organise a visit.
Pop (my dad) - To ask who won the footy.
Back Up - For a game her and Jie were playing.
Riley - To ask if he was feeling better and if his medicine was yuck.
Me - To let me know she's running late for tea.
She also at one point asked me to check my phone. I did. "Did you get my message Mum?" She called out.. I asked what it said.. "To Mum, thank you for the lollipop. Your the best Mum ever, love from Nevaeh!" She replied in a robot voice talking really slow. "I got it!" I called. (Two minutes later) "Did you get mine?" "No!" She said.. "Mine said To Nevaeh, I'm glad you liked your lollipop, please put your rubbish in the bin and tell Jie too as well. Lots of love Mum." Read out in my very own robot voice!
She chuckled and did!
Monday, 21 July 2014
Sunday, 20 July 2014
We left at around 11.30am on Saturday morning pulling a small suitcase to the train station and with my camera bag on one shoulder. I realized something about myself at that moment. How much I'd HATED the unknown. I used to thrive on not knowing what to expect and enjoyed living without any real clue as to where I would be or what I'd be doing at any given day. So much has changed since those days. I now liked knowing.. I like routine.. I like things planned to the last tiny detail. Before boarding the train I knew I'd changed.
The train journey to Pakenham was long and exhausting. The kids were hyper and excited to see Zo, Saige and Sanjay, Nevaeh had woken up at 7am that morning, got dressed, had her bag (of six packets of biscuits) packed and her shoes on ready to go! Now, 5 hours later, we were well on our way.
|The kids doing a silly face Aunty Zoe taught them a few months back.|
"Aunty Zoe's silly face"
Zo has bought so much happiness to our family. She has been an amazing friend, have loved my kids from the first time she'd saw them, she's accepted us for who we are and together we have so many precious memories together. After losing contact with her I never thought in a million years that we'd reunite, keep each other strong and our kids would be friends. What an amazing blessing!
Pulling into Pakenham I was nervous. From the train window I saw our old babysitters house. I saw part of the route my brother and I used to walk to school. I shared these things with my kids. The train station, the roads, the racecourse, Dad's old workplace were all still there. The place my brother and I used to get money for crushing cans, the old op shop I used to save my money to buy second hand books to read and the park across from the station was all still there. Changed but familiar. Surprisingly I wasn't nervous anymore. I was remembering only good things. We called a taxi and was soon on our way to Zo's.
The next surprise came when we pulled into the driveway. Where she is staying is right across from a milkbar I used to visit a lot when I was pre-teen and a fish and chip shop Dad used to critisize on being the worst in Pakky. I smiled. There also used to be the video store we used to rent from. Titles like Andre, MIB and Beethoven where rented from this video store and watched for the first time all those years ago.
After spoiling Zo with her gift and while we were getting ready it hit me. This was where Zoe and I first met. Where our friendship started. These memories again made me smile. Without being in Pakenham I wouldn't have met my crazy beautiful best friend. There was that silver lining again..
|Everyone needs that someone who brings out the best in them..|
I found my moving buddy!
Love you Zo..
Dinner was average, the company was great, it was nice to put a few faces to the names I'd heard so much about. I loved seeing Zoe enjoying her birthday and capturing the special moments..The kids were so well behaved playing in a playground I too once played in only coming back to the tables to ask for money, drop of clothes or to eat.
The next morning Zo craved bacon, eggs and hash browns so we were all spoiled. We parted ways at around 11am to head home. As the kids and I walked to the train station I again got to share with them moments and memories from my childhood. It was quite therapeutic.
The train ride home was again long and exhausting. I had a migraine and we had an hour and half to wait for the connecting train home. Nevaeh fell asleep while Jie got chatting to a lady on her way to visit her sister in Bacchus Marsh who was sitting opposite us. He liked her New Zealand accent. I just had to close my eyes to temporarily stop the throbbing pain. We got there in the end.
Overall the whole trip was great. I'm glad I went and can't wait to see Zo and the kids next weekend for my birthday! We're planning a trip to the movies. I want to see Rio 2. (such a child at heart) We gotta make it happen..
Friday, 18 July 2014
In September it will be 2 years since I've been on my own. Married but a single parent. Marriage for me has not been picture perfect. Broken vows, broken promises, broken hearts, a broken home, broken words with nothing getting fixed.
Last month I bought a few co-parenting books. I'm getting so much out of the one I am currently reading although it's so hard knowing whats right and doing whats right with someone who is such a negative and disrespectful person. Hoping to get on the same page with our parenting I organised a time for us to meet up without the kids. And can you believe that he actually cancelled it for a game of basketball? His team was apparently in the finals and he couldn't miss it. He then proceeded to turn his phone off for the remainder of the day. I was so angry and frustrated. I try my guts out to accommodate his decision to leave us and live with his Mum. I was giving him all Nevaeh needs (clothes, food, books, toys, car seat etc.) on the weekends our daughter stayed with him. Even money. After the no effort to show up to talk about how together we're going to raise her I realized how easy he has it. How easy I make it for him. How easy everyone makes it for him. He literally does nothing for himself. I was giving him everything needed for Nevaeh, his mother/brothers/step-mum would pick Nevaeh up and drop her off before and after their weekends together. Thank you all if you ever read this. Although you enable Matt to be a selfish slob Nevaeh loves seeing you all and her father. When I told him I was sending her the following fortnight with nothing but the clothes on her back he went off carrying on about how he only had 1 pair of summer PJ's for her. I was astounded. Almost two years and one pair of PJ's? Yet he had the nerve to criticize my parenting every day. Make me feel like a bad mother. Make me feel like I couldn't provide my kids with their needs. I again broke. How dumb was I to believe I was anything less than their sole provider.
I did end up stick to my word and Nevaeh now only takes her favorite Teddy and anything she asks to take or give to Daddy (such as painting etc). I did also get a chance to sit down with him a few weeks later to discuss co-parenting and I gave him one of the books I'd started reading. Whether he has started reading it or not is unknown but after a heated argument a few days ago I said "If you do nothing else with your life, just read the book". Not for me but because he has a daughter looking to him for her needs and wants. I don't want her only memories of her childhood being arguments and negative change overs. I want her to know that she has two people who love her, that she has one heart and two homes. That she doesn't have to pick who she loves more, that she can love us both. I want her to see her Dad going out of HIS way for her, not him relying on his Mum all the time. I want them to spend quality one-on-one time together doing fun things she'll remember years from now and I want him to get more involved in her education and special events. I don't want the awkwardness of being in the same room on her birthdays or graduations. I don't want her to feel like she has to choose who she wants to come more or her heart to ache when he says he will come but cancels last minute as he has done so many times already and she is only 5yo.
As a parent you only want what is best for your children. I worry for Nevaeh. She loves her father so much but thinks she can't love us both. I don't want those feelings to stay. I want her to be able to be a child, to enjoy school and not worry about what is going on at home all the time. I want her to do well and to know that her Mummy and Daddy love her even if they no longer love each other. She deserves to be happy. That is my prayer for her life right now and for at least the next year while her father and I struggle to find a happy medium as parents for her..